


My Knives Know What You Did in the Dark

by VacuumingIsGreat16



Category: Ratatouille (2007)
Genre: Anal Sex, BDSM, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Homosexuality, M/M, Oral Sex, Punishment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VacuumingIsGreat16/pseuds/VacuumingIsGreat16
Summary: Remy is a master chef. Linguini lives down the hall of his apartment complex. When a horrible smell disturbs Remy, more than food is cooking.
Relationships: Alfredo Linguini/Remy
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

Alfredo Linguini. He was no Gordon Ramsay, that's for sure, but damn, if he couldn't make something as simple as ramen, there was something wrong. The noodles were mushy, the broth smelled and tasted horrible.

"How the hell did I mess up so bad?" He muttered to himself. He dumped the broth down the sink and threw the pathetic excuse for noodles away. He sat down and sighed. There was no way he could be this much of a failure. 

"Let's try this..." He went to his freezer and retrieved a bag a pizza rolls. He prepped the pan and laid about 20 out. He decided to add a little garnish to them. He put rosemary and oregano and other stuff he didn't know how to pronounce.

30 minutes later, the entire apartment smelled like death. He pulled the pan out and dropped it on the stove. He sat back down and dropped his head against the table. He opened the windows and the door in an attempt to air it out. 

~~~~~~~~

Remy was making soup in his apartment when he smelled it. Failure. Someone was destroying the beautiful art of culinary. He turned the soup off and ran out of his apartment. He followed the smell down the hall to an open door and a distressed ginger.

"Need help?" Remy asked the ginger. He jumped and looked up to the voice.

"Oh, uh..." he looked around the massacre in the kitchen and sighed. Remy raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Don't be shy. I'm a pretty good chef." Remy stepped into the apartment and stuck out his hand.

"My name's Remy." Linguini took his hand and shook it.

"I'm Alfredo Linguini but uh, my friends call me Linguini.." They let go of each other's hands and looked around awkwardly. 

"So, pizza rolls, huh?" Remy asked. Linguini laughed nervously.

"My father was a chef so I thought I could spice up something simple but I was sorely mistaken." He shrugged. Remy sighed.

"Well, I live three doors down...I made enough soup for the week, I'm sure I could share some with you?" Remy asked hopefully. Linguini shook his head.

"I wouldn't want to impose-"

"You're not! Seriously, trust me. I'm not all that popular so I could use a friend. And it doesn't look like you're eating much tonight."

Linguini sighed. He was just going to ruin everything else he attempted to make. 

"Alright, Remy."

"Awesome sauce! I'm sure you'll love it. My brother always loves anything I cook. I'm sure you won't be much different." Remy winked and led Linguini three doors down.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where the hell did you learn to cook like this?" Linguini moaned. The soup was amazing. It tasted like god himself had made it. Remy smiled.

"I don't really know. I was a fan of the food network and I read cookbooks a lot. Let's just say it's a natural talent." Remy shrugged.

"I wish it was that easy.." Linguini murmured. Remy laughed as he looked at him.

"Listen, I can try to teach you something. I wouldn't want to smell whatever you tried to do before." Remy offered. 

"I'm unteachable, Remy. There's no way."

"Linguini, you can't be that bad."

~~~~~~~ 

Turns out, he is that bad. Remy winced as Linguini tried to follow his instructions.

"What the fuck even is Turmeric?" Linguini asked, frustrated. He turned around to face Remy.

"When you season chicken, what do you use?"

"What?"

"Come on, Linguini. How do you season chicken?" Remy pressed. 

"Salt and pepper."

"I'm sorry, what?" Remy asked, appalled. Linguini let out a frustrated sigh.

"Salt and pepper!"

"Linguini, salt and pepper aren't really seasonings. They're necessities..."

"I don't know anything about cooking, Remy!" He sat down angrily and the table and pulled his hair. Remy sighed and sat down with him.

"Linguini." He said softly. The eye contact they held was absolutely electric.

"D-don't look at me like that! This is hard enough for me. I can't do the one thing humans need to do to live." 

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Listen, we're friends now. I'll cook for you and maybe you can do things for me.." Remy smirked. Linguini gulped.

"Things?" Linguini questioned.

"Yeah. I'm sure that mouth of yours is good at other things besides complaining." Remy winked. 

"I thought we were friends."

"We are," Remy reassured, "and friends help each other."

"I'm a 22 year old virgin. I have the sexual appeal of a baby penguin." He sighed. Remy shrugged, unbothered.

"Innocence. That's hot. We start tomorrow." Remy started cleaning up around Linguini.

"So..that's it?" 

"Yup, see you tomorrow. Same time work for you?" Remy asked as he dumped the pot of bullshit down the sink. 

"Uh...yeah but when do you want me to...do..stuff?" He asked nervously. Remy smiled.

"Ill make you dinner and you can be my desert. Goodnight, Linguini." 

"I-, Goodnight, Remy." He blushed and showed himself out. 

~In Linguini's apartment~

"Oh fuck!" 

"How is he going so deep?" Linguini questioned as he looked closer. The guy was tearing up and gagging. There was no way. He paused the video. He looked around before sneaking two fingers in his mouth. He brushed his uvula and gagged. He retracted his fingers and sighed.

"Maybe Remy has a small OUIOUI.." He joked as he opened another tab.

'How to get rid of your gag reflex' was helpful. Seemed pg.

'How to give good head' was not pg but definitely helpful. So he was going to combine the two. He spent the next hour trying to get his gag reflex to chill when something went back there. He also practiced fellatio on his toothbrush.

But he was foolish to think all Remy would want was a blowjob.


	3. Chapter 3

Breakfast. Linguini always ate Eggos frozen. He made coffee to go with his waffle and sighed. Today, he became a whore. 

Lunch. He made a hot pocket. He overcooked it but it was still pretty good.

Then came dinner. Linguini showered and brushed his teeth. He got dressed all nice in tight jeans and a plain shirt. He said a little prayer and checked the time. 6:30. Remy got off work at 6. He started making his way down the hall to Remy's door. He knocked.

"Enter!" Remy called. Linguini swallowed and opened the door.

"Uh- hey, Remy!" Linguini waved awkwardly to Remy. Remy looked over at him. He looked Linguini up and down. His ass looked thiccer than any cake he'd ever seen. He just looked so damn good.

"Doesn't someone look nice?" Remy smirked. Linguini blushed and cleared his throat.

"Uh- what's for dinner?" 

"Fettuccine alfredo." He winked. Linguini's eyes widened as he took in the look Remy gave him. Damn, if he wasn't hot. His blue/greyish hair, his warm brown eyes.. and his outfit. He was in a lounging outfit. He was tired from work and that outfit was doing things for Linguini. His sweatpants and his band shirt were just so...not Remy, but then again, Linguini had just met him.

"See something you like?" Remy teased. Linguini blushed and shook his head.

"You know you do. Sit down, please." Remy gestured to his table. Linguini sat and looked down at his hands. 

"Can you tell me about yourself?" Linguini blurted out. Remy closed the oven and sighed.

"There isn't much to tell. My father is a dick, my brother is a fat clown and i'm a head chef." He said as he mashed the potatoes.

"Why is your father a dick?"

"Well," Remy laughed, "nothing I could do would impress him. I basically did tricks for him and got nothing back. But Emile, my brother, he was the real one. Sure, he questioned my choices but supported me nonetheless." Remy explained. Linguini nodded. 

"But what about you? Tell me about you." Remy lifted the chicken out of the oven and set it on the stove. He looked over to Linguini who shrugged.

"My mother's dead, my father wasn't my father, I have no remaining family and I can't cook-"

"Woah, back up a minute. Explain the father thing."

"Uh, well, in my moms will, she wrote that I was to find out that my father was some awesome chef. He owned a restaurant around here. Gusteau's.." Linguini shrugged. Remy gasped.

"Gusteau? THE Gusteau? He's your father? I work there!" Remy said, excitedly.

"Yeah.."

"Linguini, how did you not get his cooking skills?!" Remy brought the chicken and mashed potatoes over to the table and sat.

"No one ever...taught me, I guess." He shrugged again. Remy started setting their plates.

"How'd you end up here?" Remy asked as he filled their glasses with wine.

"My life wasn't going anywhere. I decided to find something else. Paris just..fit. I'm a freaking garbage boy.."

"You could be a garbage boy anywhere, Linguini. Come work at Gusteau's. It'd be awesome."

"I'll think about it."

After dinner, Linguini helped Remy with the dishes and put the leftovers away. Then, it was time. Linguini drank more wine to calm himself down. He felt ready.

"We don't have to do this if you aren't ready." Remy said with a concerned tone. Linguini shook his head.

"A deal's a deal. I'm ready. You probably have way more experience than me so try not to judge too hard."

"Linguini. I have as much experience as a 26 year old would have." He reassured.

"I have as much as a 12 year old, maybe less. 22 year olds have babies and stuff." Linguini huffed. Remy rolled his eyes and pulled him into the bedroom.

"Sit." He commanded. Linguini sat on the edge of the bed obediently. Remy kneeled in front of him and held his hands.

"We're gonna start slow, okay? I'm not expecting you to bend over for me just yet. Just...trust me." Remy said softly. Linguini closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening again. He nodded. 

"Good. Do I have consent to kiss you?" Remy whispered. Linguini looked into his warm, welcoming eyes and nodded. Remy leaned up and pushed his lips onto Linguini's. Linguini has been kissed before, but never like this. He never believed butterflies and fireworks were a thing but he felt it now. Everything made sense. Remy straddled his lap and angled Linguini's head up. Linguini parted his lips for Remy and boy, Remy's tongue tasted like heaven.

Remy pulled away to check on Linguini.

"You good down there?" He smirked. Linguini licked his lips and nodded shyly. Remy smiled in return and went back to playing tonsil hockey with him. Linguini was gripping the collar of Remy's shirt while Remy's hands wandered all over the younger boy. Remy began grinding on top of Linguini and moved his lips to his jaw. 

"Shit, Remy.." Linguini moaned as Remy began sucking a hickey over his pulse point. Remy pulled back and licked over the mark. He stood up and told Linguini to lay down on the bed. Once he was situated, Remy climbed back on top of him and took his own shirt off. Linguini moved his hands to Remy's chest and everywhere he could reach.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Remy asked, staring deep into his brown eyes. Linguini nodded. Remy took his shirt off and looked at his perfect, soft skin. Remy went back to kissing him as he slid his sweatpants down. Linguini felt himself growing harder as he realized that maybe he shouldn't be scared. Remy pulled away and threw his sweatpants behind him. Linguini looked down and saw a very prominent bulge. So much for a small dick. Remy placed Linguini's hand over his dick and squeezed. Linguini gasped at the feeling against his palm. He felt a wet spot forming against his own briefs and squeezed his eyes shut.

"What do you want me to do?" Linguini asked. Remy thought for a minute.

"We're going slow. Just let me handle this. Can I take your pants off?" 

"Y-yeah.." Remy unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off. 

"Don't freak out, okay?"

"Okay."

Remy slid his boxers off and then pulled Linguini's off. He leaned back over him and grasped his dick firmly in his hand.

"I'll do you and you do me, okay?" Remy's eyes flicked back to Linguini's to make sure. He nodded and looked Remy deep in the eyes. He trusted Remy way more than he should, but deep down, knew it was right. Linguini reached down and slowly wrapped his hand around Remy's throbbing cock. He started to stroke him softly. 

"Come on, baby, tighter....like that, fuck, baby.." he groaned. His hand sped up on Linguini's cock as Linguini started to get used to the feeling of a dick in his hand. Remy leaned down and kissed him again, pushing his tongue passed the boys lips.

"R-Remy..I'm close...please.." Linguini moaned against his lips. It was probably a minute in but the boy had never been touched like this before. Not even by himself. Remy sped up his hand and tightened his grip, swiping his thumb over the tip each time he went up.

"Go on, baby. Cum for me." He whispered in Linguini's ear and licked his lobe. That's all it took for Linguini to spill between them. Remy pulled out of Linguini's grip and worked himself to the edge. He came on Linguini's stomach and fell besides him with a sigh.

"So? What'd you think?" Remy asked after he caught his breath. Linguini smiled.

"It was...amazing. I'm sorry I didn't uhh..." he gestured to Remy's now soft dick.

"Don't be. Your first orgasm does that." He said as he pulled tissues out of his bedside draw and cleaned them up. He dropped them into the wastebasket next to his bed and pulled the covers up over both of them.

"I-I should go.." Linguini yawned. Remy pulled him against him and nuzzled the back of his neck.

"Stay."

"Okay."


	4. Chapter 4

Linguini woke up with Remy spooning him from behind. Morning wood pressed against his ass. Linguini closed his eyes and tried to ignore it. He felt Remy grind against him. Shit.

"Remy.." He whispered. 

"Mmm..." Remy moved closer, somehow, and nuzzled the back of Linguini's neck. 

"Remy." He said a little louder.

"Wha's up, baby?" He mumbled and wrapped his arms around Linguini's waist. Linguini cleared his throat and blushed.

"You uh..have a problem..." 

"Yeah? Makes sense given the dream I had."

"What was it about?"

"You."

"Oh," Linguini blushed. "Are you sure?" He asked.

"You're the only hot ginger I know. Plus, the way you gasped in my dream was identical to the ones last night. It was you." He said and kissed Linguini's neck.

"Oh.."

"Yup. Time to get up, baby. We've got a long day ahead of us." Remy tapped his ass and rolled out of bed. Linguini stood up and followed him into the kitchen.

"What do you mean 'we'?" Linguini sat.

"You," he looked at Linguini while making a pot of coffee, "are going to get the garbage boy position at Gusteau's. No if, ands, or buts about it." Remy joined him at the table.

"You don't have to do that for me, you know." He mumbled. 

"Who says I'm doing it for you? What if I just wanna see that lovely ass everyday?" Remy smirked.

"I mean, I literally live 3 doors down, it's not like I'm that far..."

"Quiet. Friends help friends. I wanna see you everyday without fucking you in return for not starving. Friends during work, fuck buddies after dinner."

"Remy, I-"

"Nope. Drink some coffee and we'll go."

~At Gusteau's~

"Hey, Skinner!" Remy called to a very short man.

"Remy, my boy! What brings you here on your day off." He asked as he looked over Remy.

"This is Alfredo Linguini. He is Gusteau's son. He's a garbage boy." Remy said and handed over Gusteau's will. Skinner glared at Linguini and took the will.

"Garbage! Hahaha, Remy, is this some sort of joke? Gusteau's was a master chef! His child would certainly be an amazing chef.." He asked, looking disgusted. Linguini looked everywhere instead of the man.

"Skinner..."

"Come on, Remy. This is not funny."

"Please, Skinner. Give him a chance! Please." Remy begged.

"Fine. The boy starts Monday." He rolled his eyes. Remy gasped and hugged the man.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"

"Get outta here, Remy."

"Yes, sir!!"

~Later~

"So..how do you plan on thanking me?" Remy asked while cleaning up lunch.

"Huh?" Linguini gasped. Remy laughed.

"You know, getting you a job." 

"I had one." Linguini pointed out. Remy shrugged.

"Now you can watch me do my work all day. I see how you like watching me." He winked. Linguini blushed and looked away.

"How would you like me to thank you?" He mumbled. Remy smirked and strode over to him. Remy grabbed his chin and tilted his head up.

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe let me...test the waters?" He asked and dragged his thumb over Linguini's lower lip. Linguini blushed and gulped.

"Okay.."

So that's how Linguini found himself in Remy's bathroom crying. Remy knocked on the door.

"Linguini, it's not that big of a deal, baby. Come out and we can talk.."

"No!"

"Linguini, please! Stop being a brat." Remy ordered. Linguini sighed and opened the door. Remy's facial expression softened.

"Linguini.."

"I'm sorry.."

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm not mad. Everybody chokes the first time." He pulled Linguini into a hug. Linguini sobbed harder into Remy's shoulder.

"I didn't mean to bite you..." He mumbled. Remy laughed and hugged him tighter.

"I barely felt it. It's okay, it was pretty good, you just went to far, it's okay." Remy pulled him onto the bed. Linguini pulled away and stared into Remy's eyes.

"Promise you're not mad?" Linguini sniffled. Remy smiled.

"I promise, Linguini." Remy rubbed his back. Linguini grabbed his face and kissed him chastely. He pulled back and put his hands down. Remy swallowed and licked his lips.

"What was that for?" Remy asked.

"Does it have to be for something?" 

"I'm not your fucking boyfriend. You can't just kiss me." He snapped. Linguini scooted off his lap and looked down.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Remy sighed. 

"I didn't mean to snap, I just.."

"You just?" Linguini pushed.

"I don't know.." Remy sighed. Linguini nodded and stood up.

"Where are you going, Linguini?" He asked tiredly. Linguini shrugged.

"Home. I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked. Remy smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, baby. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Also, I'm not your boyfriend. Don't call me baby." He said and left dramatically. Remy watched him go with a shocked look on his face. He knew, deep down, he wanted Linguini, but he just didn't deserve him..


End file.
